Midnight Wish

~~~~ Emo

I feel kinda weird today. My appointment with Marcia didn't go well at all. She just wasn't able to help me the way I had hoped. She told me I should email the people at AUC but I want someone to TALK to... not TYPE to. I'm just so scared I'm not gonna be able to do this by myself. I do have a coffee-date with the elusive Mamie on Monday. I think she'll be able to help me with a lot of the stuff I need. She did it last year AND she was there for an entire year. I need to make sure #1 I send everything in before October 1 #2 How I get my transfer credit approved #3 What the heck these passport-sized photos mean #4 What kind of shots and what-not I need to look into and #4 What I'll need to bring. Those are my main concerns at the moment. I just feel like a year ago I had such a tight grasp on this dream. But now that it's approaching and I should only feel my grip tightening, I only feel it slipping away. I can't handle a disappointment like this again.

All of a sudden in Classics today I felt really alone. I don't know what happened. Maybe it was this kid who sat infront of me who kinda looked like Sean. I began to think about how, in all practicality, I'll never have a relationship like Sean and Megan. Never that kind of mutual dependence, love, and respect. Maybe I'm too independent to ever feel dependent on someone like that, I don't know. Maybe I feel like I'll never find someone who will truly respect who I am. The Pagan, hippie, feminist, who hugs trees and is determined to be fully capable of taking care of herself. Maybe it's just Miami where no male is capable of accepting that. Or, if he is, he's either gay, or has been in a relationship for 4+ years. Or, he's gay AND has been in a relationship for 4+ years!