I'm Anything But Ordinary

I'm Anything But Ordinary

02 September 2009

One Word. Pig.

 
~~~~ Accomplished

I have one word for you.  Pig.

Chris Brown's CNN Interview

Pop star Chris Brown has admitted guilt and apologized for assaulting his then-girlfriend Rihanna in February, but he does not remember hitting the singer, he told CNN's Larry King. Looking at police reports about the incident makes him feel like he's reading about a stranger, Brown said in his first television interview since the arrest. "I'm in shock, because, first of all, that's not who I am as a person, and that's not who I promise I want to be," he said in an exclusive interview that airs Wednesday night. "I just don't know what to think. I'm just like, wow," Brown said. "It's crazy to me." Brown, 20, said he still loves singer Rihanna, whose full name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty. But, he added, it is tough for him to look at the photo showing Rihanna's battered face, the one image that might haunt and define him forever.  "When I look at it now, it's just like, wow, like, I can't believe that that actually happened,"
He now has to keep his distance from Rihanna, because of a judge's restraining order.
"We have to be like 10 yards away from each other," Brown said.
The February argument began over an incident at a Beverly Hills party, according to Brown's probation report.
An earlier, sworn statement by Los Angeles Police detective DeShon Andrews said the incident began when Rihanna found a text message on Brown's cell phone from "a woman who Brown had a previous sexual relationship with."
The pair argued while in a sports car driven by Brown, the police statement said.
It went on to describe the assault in great detail, saying Brown punched Rihanna -- identified in the statement as Robyn F. -- numerous times and put her in a head lock, restricting her breathing and causing her to start to lose consciousness. Brown sentenced for assault; other incidents surface. He threatened to beat her and kill her, according to the statement, and he bit her ear and her fingers.
Rihanna's injuries included cuts and bruises inflicted by a large ring on Brown's right hand, which he used to punch her, the probation report said.
Brown pleaded guilty to felony assault on June 22. A plea deal kept him out of jail. A second felony charge, making criminal threats, was dropped. He was sentenced to five years probation and six months of community labor.
"It means he walks the straight and narrow for five years," said Mark Geragos, Brown's attorney.
"I've grown to love this kid like a son or a nephew. I have a high degree of confidence -- I'll say it now so that you can play it back if he ever does anything -- but a high degree of confidence that he's not going to do anything like this in the future."
Brown called the sentence fair and agreed that everything comes with consequences.
"They want me to pick up trash, remove graffiti," he said. "I'm a hard worker, it's something I'm willing to do."
Why did it happen? How did it happen?
Those are questions Brown and his mother, Joyce Hawkins, have been asking.
"Chris has never, ever been a violent person, ever," Hawkins said.
However, CNN obtained a probation report for Brown last week that said he and Rihanna were involved in at least two other domestic violence incidents before the February attack for which Brown was sentenced.
"The first incident occurred in Europe about three months before the present offense," the report said.
"The victim [Rihanna] and the defendant [Brown] were involved in a verbal dispute and the victim [Rihanna] slapped the defendant [Brown]. He responded by shoving her into a wall."
Another incident happened in January, three weeks before the Hollywood incident, when Brown and Rihanna were visiting her home country of Barbados, the report said.
"The defendant [Brown] and the victim [Rihanna] were visiting Barbados and were driving a Range Rover loaned to them by a local dealership," the investigator wrote. "They had an argument inside the car. The defendant [Brown] exited and broke the front driver and passenger side windows of the car."
Brown's mother remembers being shocked and upset when he came to her after the attack in February and told her about it.
She said her husband was abusive -- and Brown knew it. "I used to be scared to go to bed," the pop star said.
Brown said he is not blaming that history for the attack on Rihanna. But, he added, nobody taught him how to control his emotions and anger.
Rihanna calls Brown's mother "Mom." The two have spoken and seen each other periodically since the incident. The court order that prevents her son from seeing Rihanna does not extend to Hawkins.
"I let her know that I was very, very baffled, what had happened and apologized for my son, along with I'm so sorry what happened to you," Hawkins said.
"And I didn't know what -- I didn't know what else to say, and I gave her a hug and she hugged me as well." Hawkins started sobbing at this point in the interview.
The singer has not seen Rihanna for a couple of months, and said the separation has been difficult, especially when it comes to her dating others. But they will always be friends, Brown said.

You don't remember it?  Bullshit.  You're just sorry you're in a career where everyone notices when you get caught.  There's no defense for this.  No excuses.  Chris Brown is a pig.  He'll always be a pig.  This is disgusting.

Currently Listening To: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - The Beatles

21 August 2009

Relax


~~~~ Good

Today's been a good day. And that's saying a lot considering the stress of a life I've been having lately. I took a second job at PNC Bank as a teller.
It's a good job. It's an even better second job because it's minimum hours for maximum moo-la. But anywhoo.... We'll see how long the Panera thing lasts. It all depends on if PNC's too good to be true. If I can keep up with two classes and two jobs more power to me. But right now, I'm not sure if that's even humanly conceivable. Since Wednesday I've been working... not saying much at the moment but when do I forsee a day in the future when I will not be working? Ummm... never? I work all next week at the downtown office of PNC. I work this weekend at Panera. I imagine I'll be working next weekend at Panera as well. And then I'll be working at the branch at PNC and Panera... I'm beginning to think between Panera and PNC I'll never be scheduled for a day off. Which means I'll be kissing Panera good-bye. Because I cannot not have at least one day off for school work. And let's face it. No matter how happy I was to have that job when I was in serious financial destitute. I hate it. And I can make just as much money at Panera with considerably less hours. Score! But here I am. At the crossroads of my life just trying to figure it all out. I want to be able to start paying off school. I need to buy textbooks. A parking pass. A new printer. Al expenses that are not budgeted for in my average month. Here we go... But I'm happy. This is all working out as well as it could and at least I'm staying too busy to feel lonely... or any other real emotions except for exhaustion for that matter. But it's good. And I see Matt a lot more than I could have ever dreamed for so that's doubly good. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune after my 9 and a half hour shift tomorrow and my 13 hour 15 minute shift Sunday but for now I feel like I can do it... until I have to go back to school!

And I've started reading again. I don't know why... maybe it's because of my serious financial issues but I've become very drawn to stories of the elite. I found Anna Godbersen's series entitled The Luxe. I'm about 3/4 of the way through the first book and I'm totally engaged. The characters are dynamic, the setting, nineteenth century Manhattan, makes it just relatable enough but still give it a slight fantastical edge, and I'm not entirely sure how the book, or the series will end for that matter. In this age of Gossip Girl and NYC Prep I feel like the Luxe is a story following the trend but with a refreshing twist. I'd totally recommend it for anyone interested in the genre!

06 August 2009

Wow...


~~~~ Contemplative

I was on the phone with Matt today and we were just kinda talking about life in general and I mentioned I don't leave the house when I'm not working because a.) with the exception of Laura I have no friends to visit down here and b.) I have no money to spend to go anywhere. And it hit me. This is the roughest time in my life. Not only financially speaking with the economy, a low-paying job, and every mounting bills now that I am out of undergrad. But socially. I have no friends here. It's nice to live with Christina and Natalia but we aren't close. It's not like living in the apartment at school. Or being able to call Brian, or Stephanie, or Laura whenever I want. There's really no one here. I've never felt so lonely so often as I have lately. The only shining moments I have are when Matt visits at most once a week for a few hours... and if I'm super lucky over night. It's weird. I'm not necessarily unhappy. I do have the feeling however that if Matt wasn't in my life right now I'd be down-right miserable. But it's rough. Really, really rough.

22 July 2009

Comfortable


~~~~ Content

I've moved. I know live in a lovely three bedroom house with two fantastic girls. I have my own room, direct tv, and super secret parking spot in the back. I love the house, the location, and the privacy and comfort. I bought a new dresser from Ikea that, without Matt, would still be sitting in pieces on the floor, a new nightstand, a new lamp, and a new bed. And p.s. I love my bed! It's all come together quite nicely and I feel like I finally have a home.

I've registered. I finally took the initiative and called UC, got my username set up, registered for my classes, and became an official UC student. I'm all good to go. I went ahead and took UC's health insurance plan so I have that. I'm still struggling a little with the whole FAFSA aide junk since, well, I was spoiled as an undergraduate and never had to deal with that but I think in a week I should have it all figured out and hopefully have most of my bills paid.

I've settled. Work's going fine now. I haven't made close out-of-work friends but there are people I can be happily social with. However, I no longer feel like I need a network here. I'm not connected. I don't think I'll ever get "homey" in Cincy. That's fine. I'm only doing this for a year. Then I'm moving on to bigger and better things... I have Matt. I have Laura. I have Michele and Brian not too far away in Oxford. That's all I really need. I'm happy. Surprisingly happy considering the way I felt a few short weeks ago.

Money's still tight. I really wouldn't expect it to be any other way at the moment though. I did splurge on a haircut. When I say splurge, I mean chop off a foot of hair to have donated to Locks of Love. Which I guess isn't really splurging anyway because they give you a discount at the salon when you donate your hair. But I did drive back to Oxford to have it done. I'm happy with the outcome. It's a little shorter than I wanted but it's manageable and drives so very quickly :)

Next week is Alex's wedding. I'm actually looking forward to going back home with Matt. He'll be a wonderful anchor in the crazy world that is my family. And he should be here tomorrow... provided his flu doesn't come back! Boo for getting sick in July!

All-in-all I'm happier than I expected to be at this point in my life. I still have this anxiety of the unknown future I may or may not hold. I really really want to achieve all my dreams and ambitions but I'm a little worried that the world we're heading to will prevent me from doing so. But I'm staying open minded and hoping beyond all hope that this may all work out and that I truly do have a chance at happiness.

03 July 2009

Settling In


~~~~ Anxious

Things are sorta beginning to calm down. I've been at Panera for over two weeks and while I still have no idea how I'll ever remember everything that needs to be known for that job I feel a sense of routine settling in. I've gotten my first paycheck but I am still sincerely strapped for cash. Pizza rolls are only $1 a box at Biggs and that is essentially what I've been living off of. I may have to switch to something even less appealing like ramen or pb&j (which believe it or not i hate with a firey passion) but hard times man... hard times. I guess that's one of the things I should appreciate about my job... and take full advantage of... free food on days that I work. I'll need to milk that for all it's worth until I reach a level of financial stability. I know I'll hit my 20 hour mark this week so that's encouraging. 20 hours a week is the minimum I need to work to be able to pay the bills. I won't have much leftover from that but it's something.

I have all my furniture now. My night stand's in my trunk. My dresser's sitting in Matt's garage and I'm picking my bed up on Tuesday. Tuesday. Moving day. When I get my own space and a renewed sense of normalcy in my life. I can't wait. As long as I can really pay the bills like I think I can... even if it is paycheck to paycheck I hope to feel empowered. I hope to feel independent. I hope to feel like I have a life.

20 June 2009

I Know I'm Probably Way Behind...


~~~~ Full

But seeing this gives me hope for humanity.  Hilarious!


16 June 2009

A Collective Sigh of Relief


~~~~ Happy

I have a job.   That's right you're looking at a happy, employee of Panera Bread... complete with cheesy pastel polo and apron.  I couldn't be more relieved.  This is a job.  This is money.  This is something to do and occupy my time until September.  I don't know yet if it's enough to get an apartment on my own but if it is.  I'm self-sufficient... sorta.  I'm doing it on my own.  It's an amazing feeling.  Just having the support network as... well... support and not a lifeline.  I can do this.  I know now I can.  Fuck you economy.  I'll show you what I can do.  I can be a fucking independent woman and be good at it too... all because I'm selling coffee and baked goods... hmm.  It's the little things in my life, isn't it?

That being said my first day of WORK is Thursday.  So I came home for what may be the last time in a while.  That's just fine.  Wooster's gained back it's quaint nostalgia for me instead of the fear of doomed failure and permanence it once held.  It's nice to be back for a few days.  I enjoy that.  Relaxing... quiet... CLEAN.  But I'll head back to Cincy Thursday.  With a brand-spanking new perspective.  Tomorrow's agenda includes and oil change, laundry, and garage sale shopping... I know stand back from my wild Wednesday.  Then I'll be leaving here Thursday morning to be back in time for WORK and then I WORK again Saturday.  I'm so happy.  I'm doing something.  Next up on my major goals for my life... bugging UC until I get some info on GRAD SCHOOL.  Man.  I am so ready to grow up.  This is actually exciting!